Hallows Point:The Scariest Movie You'll Never See.Yeah. Right.

If you believe all of the fake hype generated by one BGeorge238, you'd think Hallows Point is a potentially great horror film in search of an audience. To quote a few of his zestier comments :" I'll bet the farm it's the sleeper of the year"," The U.S enthusiasm for Hallows Point has proven quite infectious" " and " The movie is likely to prompt a franchise."

Words of lofty praise which take on a whole new meaning when you discover that BGeorge238 is in reality Bill George,executive producer(that means one of the films investors) of Hallows Point. Naturally he hopes the movie will rake in big bucks; he wants to recoup his investment! Duh!

The Hallows Point movie website appears to look interesting until you actually watch the trailer, then you're left with the distinct impression the film is a,cheesy, micro budget rip off of Nightmare On Elm Street. The problem here is, a cool looking website does not make for a good film. If producer George really did bet the farm on this stinker,his property may soon end up in foreclosure.

This tinkertoy film is the so called brain child of filmmaker Jeffrey Lynn Ward, someone you'll probably never hear of and your life won't be the poorer for it, if truth be told. That being said, Hallows Point isn't Ward's first time in the directors chair. In 1993, this wannabe filmmaker lensed a movie titled The Dwelling starring 80's scream queen Michelle Bauer.

Well, it sat and sat and sat amassing cobwebs and dust for a ton of years. In an article for the website Evil Dread, Bill George, under the pseudonym Arthur Jefferson(Stan Laurel's birth name), made the grandiose claim that the film was unreleased due to legal problems. Knowing as I do from personal experience George's aversion to the truth, it's more than likely Ward's movie blew out the ass and reeked with such a foul stench that no video company would touch it with a ten foot pole.

But our intrepid filmmaker did not let this bump in the road to cinematic immortality deter him.In 2007, Ward cobbled up a few more bucks, got Michelle Bauer to work for nothing(save for airfare and lodgings) to shoot a prologue and an epilogue. Yet,no surprise here,even after he gussied up this turkey with the added footage and gave it a snazzy new title " Black Reign", the video companies still weren't lining up around the block to add this turd fest to their roster of current releases. As the saying goes: You can put a dress on a pig,but it's still a pig.

The astounding thing is, even after Wards maiden voyage sank without any fanfare, he somehow he managed to procure investors for his next effort, Hallows Point. P.T Barnum sure was right: There's a sucker born every minute.

Ward also procured Bill George as not only one of the films investors, but as it's main promoter/cheerleader. George even inserted an untalented actress, Allexus Young, into Hallows Point.Young literally has all the emotional range and depth of a plastic doll. Watch her pitiful, one dimensional performance in ARACHNIA and you'll see what I mean first hand.She's little more than a beautiful face and figure who can't act her way out of the proverbial paper bag.

Since George serves as her agent, in addition to his duties as associate producer,she got a rather large part in an even larger dud. As you can see, Bill George's carbon foot prints are all over this unreleased(or is it unreleasable)belly flop of a movie. Note to other filmmakers:If you want your film to be a success, don't let Bill George anywhere near your set; even chase him away with a wooden baseball bat if need be. He's a one man modern day version of the plague.

Hallows Point was officially finished in 2007. However here we are on the cusp of 2009 and Mr.Ward's opus remains in a state of cinematic limbo. No video company has yet to release the film. And next year doesn't look very promising either. I hope Bill George had enough sense to use this as a tax write off.

Despite Ward's and George's continued optimism for a big release and even bigger financial pay day, Hallows Point might just suffer the same fate as Black Reign; never to see the inside of a video store. Unless of course, either Ward or George carries a copy of the DVD into the store with them.

RIP Forrest J. Ackerman: A Childhood Hero Has Died.

Last week, one of my childhood heroes, Forrest J. Ackerman, died at the age of 92. He was the unofficial leader of a group of baby boomers now known as Monster Kids. Even at the age of fifty four,I still proudly consider myself to be one. During the late fifties through the 1960's we were exposed to the Universal horror classics of the 1930's and the 1940's via television. We also enjoyed the American International drive-in treats from the 1950's, the infamous Hammer Studio horrors,not to mention the many other genre films available to TV stations,while munching on potato chips and glugging bottles of soda(root beer was my soda of choice).

And if merely watching films were not enough to slake our thirst for the weird, the fantastic, there were monster toys,monster trading cards, monster shaped candy,  Super 8 cutdowns of  monster movies and last,but surely not least,were the monster magazines. Most were run of the mill(the notable exception of course being Castle of Frankenstein edited by the notorious Calvin Beck.),but the one magazine that stood out from the pack was Famous Monsters of Filmland,which was later shortened to Famous Monsters. But to those of us loyal readers it was simply referred to as FM. From the colorful,eye caching covers to the pages chockful of information and entertainment,it was fifty cents well spent as far as the devoted Monster Kid was concerned.

When I was a sophomore in high school, my English teacher gave our class the assignment of writing a paper about the men and women we admired most. My classmates and friends chose sports figures, military heroes or people who performed acts of supreme bravery. You know, the usual suspects. The two people who I wrote about were Boris Karloff and Forrest J. Ackerman. Naturally,I received a razzing from my fellow classmates for what they considered as odd choices for heroes.

My defense was:Boris Karloff was one of my heroes because at the age of eighty years old, wearing a leg brace and breathing with only half a lung,  he continued to act in movies because in his words," I want to die with my boots on." As for Forrest Ackerman, I reasoned that he brought so much pleasure to people all over the world as the editor of a magazine called Famous Monsters.

It all began at the tender age of eight when I watched The Outer Limits on television and discovered a science fiction world of monsters, space ships and interplanetary exploration. Quite an experience for one so young. The following summer, I watched Voodoo Island starring Boris Karloff on one particularly hot afternoon(the reason I was indoors that day) and from then on was hooked on horror and science fiction movies.

One day in a pharmacy I was browsing the magazine section and spotted a periodical called Famous Monsters of Filmland. I was so enticed by the rendering of Bela Lugosi as Dracula on the cover that I purchased it immediately, thus beginning a fourteen year relationship between myself and Famous Monsters.

Many was the time I would buy the latest issue,reading the contents voraciously as I walked home. Every issue was an event that I eagerly waited for each month.It was a world of imagination that inspired me to read the works of Edgar Allan Poe, H.G Wells, Mary Shelly and Bram Stoker. People like Boris Karloff, Lon Chaney Sr and Jr., Bela Lugosi became household names to me. And I was even allowed to take a peak behind the cameras at some of these movies as they were being filmed. All of this wonderment was at my disposal for a mere sawbuck. The man responsible was Forrest J. Ackerman or as he was known to millions of fans:Uncle Forry

In 1974,on the eve of my twentieth birthday I packed my things and headed to New York City to spend the weekend at The Commodore Hotel where I attended the first Famous Monsters Convention. There I was, green as an ear of baby corn, all by myself in the Big Apple and I had a blast.I made some new friends,watched classic horror films,wandered around the various dealer rooms and sat in the hotel lobby with fellow genre movie lovers talking about films till the wee hours of the morning. These were were among the many interesting activities I engaged in during that magical weekend.

And I finally met Forry, the man who had guided me through the mystical world of imagination. I remember after eagerly unpacking my bags and heading for the convention, entering the darkened room where the publisher of Famous Monsters(some say scoundrel),James Warren, was giving the attendees a welcome speech. As I glanced to my left I suddenly noticed I was standing next to none other than Forrest J.Ackerman, my childhood hero! There I was, suffering from a severe case of "tongue tied disease". I couldn't even manage to squeak out a pitiful,"Hi Forry" and sadly watched as my idol made his way to the stage where he would speak to the roomful of Monster Kids. Later on I finally met Forry and even had him autograph my convention souvenir book.

Eventually, I stopped reading Famous Monsters because as I was growing up, the magazine remained in a state of juvenile limbo. James Warren's motto from the first issue was " I'am twelve years old. Make me laugh." Well, I was twenty two and needed articles that had more depth, more intellectual content than Famous Monsters was offering. Hell, the magazine was even beginning to feature lame brained fiction. This however was engineered by Warren;Forry had nothing to do with this sad state of events. Thus, my love affair with the magazine came to an end and I moved on.

Years later,in 1995, I saw Forry again at a movie convention in Baltimore. It was there I told him just how much he and Famous Monsters meant to me when I was kid. As I delivered my verbal love letter to him, Forry had the look of of a proud father whose son was giving him heartfelt praise; he seemed genuinely touched he had such a positive influence on someones life. And I know for a fact I wasn't the first person to say this to Forry, but it came from the heart. As were similar proclamations that came from the untold number of Monster Kids who ever picked up an issue of Famous Monsters.

As I say goodbye to Forry Ackerman, I'm also saying a sad farewell to a part of my childhood. Goodbye Forry,you were the Uncle some of us always wanted but never had. And although you were an atheist, let me just say in the words of Jimi Hendrix: If I don't see you no more in this world, I'll meet you in the next one.

Disco Donna and Her Friend Fat Cathy

The year was 1979 and I worked at Delmar Photo(a photo developing lab) as a delivery driver. As far as jobs go, it wasn't a bad gig; my route covered the Delaware/Pennsylvania area and all in all I had my share of interesting experiences during the six years I was employed there.

One day, two girls fresh out of high school (Donna and Cathy) were hired to work in the lab.Although at first they didn't know each other, both girls quickly struck up a friendship though I couldn't figure out why because they were completely opposite: Cathy was obese and unattractive while Donna was a total stunner. When together they appeared to be a female version of the Odd Couple.

Cathy claimed she ran track in high school,but I seriously doubted it. With her ample girth,I imagined Cathy majoring in home economics instead where she more than likely scarfed down every one of her culinary creations.But in her mind,she was a real looker any man would desire. Oh well, let her have her illusions, because between her extreme corpulence and a disposition that was miserably caustic,I didn't consider her much of a catch. Except of course if you find fat,nasty women irresistible,then Cathy would definitely be the girl for you.

Donna, a cute confection, was acutely aware of her external beauty and carried her herself as if she were the most beautiful woman in the room. Upon our first meeting, she let me know in short order that she would never go out with me because I wasn't her type. And I had yet to ask her out. Talk about an inflated ego! To be honest, I found her to be unbearably vain without a brain in her head. Sure, Donna knew about monumentally important topics like fashion and make up.However,subjects such as politics or current events went right over her well coiffed but empty head;so I had no real attraction to this preening Barbie Doll who had looks but no substance.The nickname Disco Donna was bestowed upon her because of her passionate love of disco music,which enjoyed a burst of popularity during the late seventies/early eighties. She was the type of person who would mindlessly bebop her way throught life.

As to the reason for this mismatched pairs close friendship, it was a matter of simple deduction:Donna didn't consider Cathy to be any sort of competition when it came to the opposite sex. Whenever they hung out together,the guys who were attracted to Donna wouldn't have given Cathy's fat ass a second glance. While the guys who gravitated toward Cathy were realistic enough to know that a babe like Donna was totally out of their league and wouldn't have given them the time of day.

Now,except to exchange pleasantries with the both of them when at work, I never had much to do with Donna and Cathy; which brings me to a rather unpleasant incident that occurred. One day, I began getting irate phone calls at home and work from Donna's boyfriend accusing me of having an affair with her behind his back. Threats were uttered and I began to worry. One of my co-workers,an illiterate hillbilly named Rocky, taunted me about what Donna's boyfriend would do to me when he got a hold of me.

This went on for a couple of weeks and at one point I said to Donna," Why is your boyfriend threatening me? You won't even go out with me!" Eventually Cathy and Rocky admitted they had played a prank on me,laughing all the while. Cathy was laughing so hard tears of mean spirited merriment poured down her jowly, pig like face. I didn't find their cruel joke the least bit funny and from that day on I despised the both of them. I mean, what the hell did I ever do to them to deserve the despicable prank that was played on me? Years later when I read Rocky's obituary in the newspaper I thought to myself " So f***ing what." I hated that little hillbilly prick anyway. To me, his death meant there was one less piece of white trash walking the earth.

As far as Cathy concerned,I eventually had my own private laugh at her expense. After not having much success with men,she finally found someone who would put up with her,I mean, love her. His name was Mike and was introduced to her by a mutual friend and co-worker Cliff. He was a cartoonish looking fellow;picture Ichabod Crane with a huge adams apple and a galumphing walk. One day, Cliff informed me that Mike hadn't seen Cathy for two days because he was avoiding her. It seems he wanted to break up with her but didn't have the intestinal fortitude to say anything because Mike was afraid she'd beat the shit out of him. Cliff swore me to secrecy, so being a man of my word I refrained from throwing this juicy little morsel in her fat face. Something I would have enjoyed immensely.

In the end, he continued dating her(I wonder what feeble excuse he gave her explaining his two day absence) and they eventually married. It's more than likely Mike came to the conclusion that Cathy was the best he would ever do, so better to have her than nobody at all. Or perhaps he still harbored fears Cathy might go ballistic and beat him up, so he did whatever was necessary to avoid incurring her wrath. Ah! What some people do for love. Or to keep from visiting the Emergency Room for that matter.

And although I never saw them after leaving Delmar Photo,(if I never set eyes on that miserable cow ever again there will be no void in my life,that's for sure) I did run into Donna The Magnificent. I was married at the time and my wife managed the GNC vitamin store in the Christiana Mall. By co-incidence,Donna happened to be working as a clerk at a music store called Wall To Wall Sound. You always knew when Donna was on duty from the thump da da thump of the disco beat(now called Dance Music) which emanated from the stores sound system. Donna presumably was getting herself pumped up before hitting some dance club after work to boogie oogie oogie into the wee hours of the morning.

One night as I waited in front of the GNC store for my wife to get off of work, Donna happened to standing a few feet away from me and was talking to a friend about her recent wedding. She prattled on about the gown she wore,what kind of shoes she had on, how hot she looked ect,ect,ect. Not once, however, did Donna ever mention anything about the groom.It was all about her(naturally). You would have thought she had married herself;a Dennis Rodman of the eighties if you will. And although I know differently,well, anything's possible.