Saturday, August 18, 2018

Attention Corey Feldman: Your Fifteen Minutes Are Up.

It's truly sad to see a former teen idol desperately clutching at the fame he formerly reveled in as it slips through his grasp. Such is the case of Corey Feldman. In the 1980's he and friend, and fellow actor, Corey Haim were the proverbial "it couple" as they co-starred in a succession of highly profitable movies aimed at the teenage audience.Unfortunately for both Corey's, along with the intoxication of fame and adulation came the tragedy of drug addition, growing into adulthood and going from staring in high profile theatrical releases to individually slogging away in direct to video fodder. While Feldman eventually conquered his demons, Haim was never quite able to reassemble the pieces of his life and died of pneumonia in 2010 financially destitute.

And while Feldman at one point was, in his words "a working actor", he had musical aspirations. In his younger years, he hung around Michael Jackson, eventually attempting to emulate the late " King of Pop" by dressing like him and adopting Jackson's performing style. He comes across as a tenth rate imitator; the kind you would see at your local bar's " Open Mike Night".

 Feldman as of late, with no acting roles on the horizon, has been touring with a band of female musicians under the name Cory's Angels. Feldman has released five albums since 1992. His latest musical endeavor, Angelic 2 The Core was financed by donations from his fans. He was aiming to amass the sum of $105,000 to record the album with, but had to make do with a measly $14,982.00. Poor baby. The track " Go 4 It" debuted on The Today Show and was promptly put on YouTube to be jeered and reviled by those who were fortunate, or rather, unfortunate to see it. Reportedly, the album took two years to record. After hearing several of the albums tracks, available on You Tube, I can honestly say it's two years of wasted time and money; the songs are dreadful, the production overblown and bombastic.

And get a gander of Feldman's live performances on the Internet. Watch the video where he almost trips over cables while performing at a stadium to an audience of fifteen people and try not to laugh. Then there's the ridiculous video of  Cory The Hunk taking off his shirt and strutting around the stage to the supposed oohs and aahs of his female admirers. And last but certainly not least, is the video where one of his "Angels" warbles an off key version of Stand By Me(Feldman co-starred in the film) while he clumsily plays the drums as a clip from the film is shown on a screen. The video mercifully ends just as Feldman begins drumming and singing a piss poor rendition of The Beatles " Why Don't We Do It In The Road." The performance was both sloppy and extremely self-indulgent.

In recent years, Feldman, in yet another desperate plea for attention, had been spouting off at the mouth about a supposed pedophile ring in Hollywood that molested him when he was a preteen. He alleges that at a place called Alphy's Soda Pop Club, where young actors and actresses could get together drink soda pop, dance and schmooze. Feldman's alleges that there were sinister men dressed in dark suits hanging around who lured young boys and girls in private rooms to have sex with them.Scott Schwartz, a child actor who acted in  films such as "A Christmas Story" and "The Toy" knew Feldman during this time and recalls no such incidents happening at the Soda Pop Club. Feldman has gone on record referring to Schwartz as " A small man. A short man." in retaliation for Schwartz's refusal to drink the Cory Kool Aid.

This alleged pedophile ring, according to Feldman is comprised of  men in the upper echelon of Hollywood executives and has continued to exist to this very day. So Feldman, who has gone on record to proclaim that he is doing God's work, first wrote an autobiography titled  "Coreyography" and then got the bright idea to turn it into a feature film. Feldman went on You Tube and began to ask people to invest money for his film. He initially wanted to raise ten million dollars because in his words this film was to  be an important endeavor, check out the video for yourself. Feldman was going to hire only the best people for his pet project. Plus he intended to distribute the film himself.

 Unfortunately, he was only able to amass from 5,899 investors the munificent sum of  $273,151.00. Not a whole lot to make a theatrical film with the industry's best talent behind the camera. If the film is ever made, and I at this point I highly doubt it, Feldman will have to settle for second or even rate talent instead. The one nagging question that remains is: why not just report this pedophile ring to the police,as Feldman says he has. What would making a movie based on his autobiography accomplish?  Simple; he would be in front of the public once again basking in the limelight and once again relevant to the public at large while patting himself on the back for doing God's work.

Feldman announced that the film would be finished by June of this year. Well, boys and girls, here we are in mid August and there's been no mention of his film. No more self serving You Tube videos. No nothing. Instead he's been in hiding ever since his claims of being attacked with a knife by someone hired by the all powerful  Hollywood pedophile ring in an attempt silence his allegations against them. According to him, even his Angels have quit the band in fear of their lives. Um, no. The tour bus driver as well as one of the Angels have made statements stating that they quit due to not being paid and terrible working conditions. If truth be told, these industry power players,if they exist, probably don't stay up late at night worrying about Feldman's devastating expose' and the ruinous affect it'll have on their careers in Hollywood. There are no clandestine cabals in darkened chambers where these men confer to decide on what to do concerning that trouble maker Corey Feldman,either.

 No, the blunt fact is: nobody cares about Corey Feldman. He's a former child star whose career has run it's course and now has to face the reality that he's a middle aged man who is no longer relevant to the public at large, no matter how loudly he cries wolf. People just aren't listening. He no longer a "who's who", but a "who cares?" Time to pack it in,Corey Feldman. Your fifteen minutes of fame are officially over.  But cheer up, Corey.  Perhaps one day you'll attain immortality by being the answer to a Trivial Pursuit question.

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